Spartacus Gods Of The Arena

Spartacus Gods Of The Arena: “This is an epic cheese. Worse, it even gives the film a cheesy bad reputation.”

Those of a certain vintage will remember Stanley Kubrick’s sword and sandal classic Spartacus (1960), the fascinating saga of booming Thracian gladiator who led an uprising of his fellow slaves against the Roman Empire more than two millennia back . Talk about your epic sweep. Talk about touching a nerve on the struggles of recent times.

Beyond metaphors appropriate, crisp direction and beautifully orchestrated Kubrick battle scenes, the film features a cast of sterling performances: Kirk Douglas Spartacus, the rebel; Sir Laurence Olivier as his foe, the Roman general, Peter Ustinov, winner an Oscar for his work as the infamous slave trader, and John Gavin as Julius Caesar old. Also testified Jean Simmons, Charles Laughton, John Ireland and Tony Curtis. Interesting socio-political, the film was scripted by Dalton Trumbo, who had been blacklisted by the McCarthy witch-hunters for its allegedly anti-American views.

On that note, perhaps some of you were also piqued your interest with the creation of Spartacus series in six parts: the gods of the Arena last Sunday on The Movie Network. And maybe some of you even took time to catch the first few minutes, hoping to find answers in this generation of Douglas, Oliver and Ustinov. And maybe some of you are still in shock.

We got an earful and eyeful straight. But none of Latter-day Douglas, Oliver and Ustinov. And no epic sweep, either. Or, moreover, no noble Spartacus is here.

This is an epic cheese. Worse, he even gives the film a cheesy bad reputation. Spartacus: Gods of Caligula Arena is Bob Guccione, the ideas of the founder of Penthouse in the decline of the Roman Empire look like the Ten Commandments.

We have not seen this many slit throats or number (allegedly) on legitimate erotic couplings which is to say, non-porn-screens in this century.

The swordplay in the gladiatorial ring is surpassed only by the swordplay in the boudoir. And bloodshed that is Halloween and Freddy Krueger series to shame. Talk about your free sex and blind violence. And these are the best qualities of the series.

Seriously, how about that dialogue? Even Eminem is left stunned and possibly blushing. Can not imagine Caesar et al singing songs of frat-boy on their phallus and weaknesses of their enemies. Roman rap? Whoa!

This is a toga party unattractive.

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena is a prequel to the series last year of pay-TV Spartacus: Blood and Sand. In fact, the plan was for a second season of Blood and Sand, but his star, Andy Whitfield, fell ill and producers struggle to find something else instead. And that’s really the best they could do?

Well, even Caesar and Spartacus are probably doing cartwheels in their crypts. Or laugh themselves silly.

The acting and plotting are so monumental that miserable maybe the gods of the arena was really designed as-Roman-stuffing.

This is the story of the sword wielding Gannicus (Dustin Clare)-unrelated herpes, but given the means of his free-lovin ‘, probably a spreader of it throughout the empire . Gannicus Mike Tyson is the gladiator. He tends to hit its fighters and ask questions later. It seeks to become the champion of Capua and the House of Batiatus or if we are informed.

The House of Batiatus is in turmoil. The bad-ass Batiatus (John Hannah) attempts to take control of the gladiator school of his father, where students do not live in fancy houses. Instead they are trapped in primitive cells together, and those are the lucky ones.

Those who misbehave or lose their battles are often separated from their bodies, their heads by the sword.

On the positive side, they are allowed to engage in sexual relations with them, court ladies and probably any bugs misfortune to cross their paths.

This is a real cut-throat business being a gladiator. There is also a cutthroat business running a school of gladiators, especially when others in the same racket as your star stud, especially Gannicus. It does not help his cause that the other owners do not like gladiator Batiatus the devil.

His only ally is his wife (Lucy Lawless you may remember the heady job as Xena: Warrior Princess) Lucretia, whose love of luxury and money is almost unparalleled in the Roman Empire. And when her husband is not there to attend to his needs, she finds solace with caresses and its long-standing admirer, Gaia (Jaime Murray).

Batiatus should have learned in this first episode it is better not to boast that your brave gladiators gladiators Gannicus can lick the other into the ground, eyes closed. Because that’s precisely what blindfolded and clearly unamused Gannicus should do, and do.

But no time for moral victory. Batiatus gets the snot kicked out of him for refusing to sell to a rival Gannicus. Cross-cut with the beat graph Batiatus fumbles graph between Lucretia and Gaia.

It’s almost as if the makers of gods of the arena are still undecided as to draw blood or the way babes.

Can not imagine what Kubrick would do all this other-than cast swords and sandals on the screen.

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